Things That Go Murr in the Panty Drawer
by Numisma
Summary: [Inuyasha x Kagome] Kagome's panties are missing. Guess who volunteers to help her catch the thief? Yup, Inuyasha. D'oh. Hilarity ensues. Xover with Something Positive and Queen of Wands!
1. Spare a Mint For Your Knickers?

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, Something Positive, or Queen of Wands. But that doesn't mean I can keep CCB from his panty thievery

-

He slipped down the bathroom sink's drainage opening and proceeded to shlorp his way through the sink piping, taking his usual route from Boston toward Denver. But, somewhere along the way, there was a clogged pathway, and he had no choice but to take an alternate route.

Take a left instead of a right. Do that enough times, and he should end up in the right direction eventually, right?

Wrong.

As the blubbery feline substance shlorped his way through the pipes, he noticed his choice in detour was taking especially long. He should have been at Kestrel's place by now.

He needed her panties, and now. It didn't matter that he had no use for them, or that his human provider had started to sell them on ebay once the evidence of his thievery had started to pile up. It didn't matter that he did nothing with them.

He just had to have them.

He finally saw a pinprick of muted light at the end of the damp piping tunnel. Finally!

He oozed himself up into the bathroom tub's drain, squeezed himself out with a sucking popping noise, and clawed his way up to the rim of the porcelain, regaining his shape somewhat.

He wasn't boneless… just very… elastic and jello-like in bone structure. Only a cat like he could literally melt from deep relaxation.

It was very dark everywhere except for a light mist of moonlight peeping through the window at him.

_This place looked nothing, and smelled nothing, like Kestrel's place,_ he thought. But, no matter. If there were panties to be found, then it wouldn't be a wasted excursion.

The hairless pink ball of oozy goodness padded his way into the hall and made straight for the slightly cracked open door.

A quick exploration inside the room beyond the door revealed a lovely dresser with an entire drawer full of panties… medium high cut bikini briefs.

"Murr…." he mewled out emphatically at his discovery.

Translation: _what an excellent plunder I have come upon!_

He grinned with feline mischief. They weren't Kestrel's; they were much nicer… and of a daintier size. He murred again and closed his eyes in contentment.

-

"I'm going home, and you can't stop me, Inuyasha!" the futuristic miko said with annoyance, her back to her unfortunately stubborn-assed hanyou companion as she made her way toward the Bone Eater's Well. 

"Oh yes, I can, you stu-" he began to retort back with, but she turned around and glared at him. He tensed and clamped his mouth shut up, keeping his dissatisfied expression but having trouble from keeping it unwavering.

"Listen, I have to get clean clothes, I have a test in three days, and I'm all out of shampoo, so if you follow me or try to drag me back early…" Kagome threatened in a trail-off, her tone of voice clearly indicating her bad mood.

He huffed, his arms crossed and his gaze off to the side as he pouted, his eyebrows cocked emphatically. "Yeah yeah, but I'll drag you back if you're not back by the time the sun is high in four days." _Excuses, excuses, excuses!_

"I mean it!" And with that, she jumped into the time portal that swirled with bluish mist inside the well.

-

Once in her own home again, Kagome found her mother and let her know she was home and her plans about the short stay. Once she had given her mother her dirty laundry and given her fat cat Buyo a loving scratch behind the ears where he lay relaxing himself on the couch in the family room, she sauntered up to her room so she could change into clean clothing. 

"Ah, it's going to feel so good to finally wear something that hasn't already been worn for the last few days," she cried happily to herself with an exasperated smile.

While in the middle of stripping down, she noticed what looked like a small pile of wrapped candy on the pillow for her bed. Finding it such a strange thing to be there, she walked over and examined what actually turned out to be about five pieces of some kind of chocolate mint candy in dark metallic green wrappers that read Andes.

"That… is weird," she said to herself as she unwrapped one and ate the waxy mint confection slowly and delectably. "Mama turning this place into a hotel as a joke, or something?"

After her treat, she shrugged off the strangeness of the mints' presence on her pillow and went back to stripping. She had one clean, unworn bra left, and after binding her chest into it, she went for her underwear drawer for her socks and panties.

What she found was, suffice it to say, not exactly what she had been expecting.

The dresser drawer in which she kept her undergarments was completely devoid of panties. There were about five clean pairs of socks and two bras left in it, but absolutely not a single pair of lower region undergarments present.

"Huh?" was the only word she could utter, she was so dumbfounded.


	2. Panty Plunderer

"Mama? Has anyone been in my room lately?" Kagome asked her mother, who was in the kitchen chopping onions and cabbage for some okonomiyaki that was to be the main course for dinner that evening.

"No, dear, not in a couple weeks, unless Souta's been in there," she replied with a smile. "What's wrong? Are things out of place?"

_I guess you could say that…_ the teenage schoolgirl thought to herself before smiling and brushing it off with an answer of, "No, I just usually keep the door to my room closed, and it was open when I came in. But never mind, it's probably nothing."

Off she tramped, keeping her thoughts on the matter to herself. It probably was her little brother being a dork again, though why he would go so far as to hide her undergarments was completely amiss to her.

Seeing as she had arrived too late in the morning for it to make sense of her showing up to school that particular day instead of waiting till tomorrow, she decided to go clothing shopping.

She'd managed to find a clean pair of panties in the most recent pile of clean laundry her mother had left for her in a pile, so she was glad that she did not have to go trouncing around in dirty underwear or sit and wait in her room for her mother to do the batch of dirty clothes she'd just brought back from her latest excursion in the Sengoku Jidai. However, the missing garments from her drawer had made up a good two thirds of what she originally had, so unless they were to magically reappear a couple days later from their hiding spot, it was merely common sense that she go out and buy more underwear.

-

After returning from her little shopping trip with about 15 more pairs of new bikini briefs and a couple thongs and hi-cut French panties, Kagome spent the rest of the day studying for the test that was the primary reason for her return to the modern era, sloped over her desk and fitfully attempting to understand the mathematical gibberish that was contained within the pages of her textbook. Circles, triangles, random straight lines, and calculator symbols and abbreviations floated around in her head sporadically, giving her a headache. 

She just couldn't concentrate when it came to math. Closing her textbook with a loud thud as she gave an exasperated sigh, she resorted to finishing off the other mints that were still sitting on her pillow.

_Wonder where I can get more of these,_ she thought to herself as she reveled in the succulent bite of the chocolate mint, tossing the discarded wrappers into her wastebasket.

-

Meanwhile, in Boston, Massachusetts, Davan carefully examined the new pile of women's undergarments his panty-klepto of a feline had brought back during his latest raid through the plumbing. He was accustomed to it by now. It was just something about his strange cat he would have to live with. 

It wasn't that he minded the underwear. In essence, he didn't care too much. Underwear wasn't his thing, but it's not like it technically bothered him. It was that he didn't want it piling up in his home. The cat just would not stop! Throwing them away was both a waste of good panties and a waste of time, as Choo Choo Bear would always find them again and bring them back. It only made sense to get rid of them in a more permanent yet productive way, a way that was much more difficult for the strange chemokitty to track the stolen undergarments down.

Plus, with his friend T-Bob doing a great modeling job for the auction pictures, each pair usually went for at least 20.

Taking a closer look at the cat's most recent raid booty, Davan noticed that this time, it seemed like the underwear belonged to someone else. Every single pair of high cut panties in the pile was a good size smaller than the ones he was accustomed to finding being splurted and expunged from his cat's gelatinous composition, and the tags were not in English. It was some Asian language, probably Japanese or Chinese. He wasn't sure which but knew enough to be able to tell they weren't Korean or Thai or… or anything else he recognized. And there was no sign of a name monogrammed on them anywhere, unlike the ones Choo Choo Bear usually brought back, the ones that said 'Kestrel.'

"Hmmmm," he said aloud to himself with almost complete indifference. "Guess he started raiding someone else's panties." He scratched his head slightly. "I just hope T-Bob can fit into these, or I'll need to find a new model."

And with that, Davan picked up his phone and called his friend and auction picture model, despite the time of night it was. There was a content murring in the background, as Choo Choo Bear was dreaming pleasantly of the things that only panty-klepto chemokitties such as himself dreamt about.

-

The next morning, Kagome awoke to find another wrapped mint on her pillow, just inches away from her forehead. It was a blurry sight at first, but when she noticed the green foil wrapper, her eyes shot open, and after studying the offending item just past her eyelevel, she tensed. 

Scrambling out of bed and over to her dresser, she opened the drawer in which she kept her underwear, and much to her discontent, she noticed that all of her recently washed pairs of panties were missing. Thankfully the recently purchased, mostly still in the plastic pairs were still present, but… the whole premise was disconcerting.

She would need to have a little talk with her younger brother about taking things from her room, especially such… intimate… items, and playing such pranks as leaving apology mints for her in exchange for the stolen garments.


	3. Getting Ridiculous

Inuyasha sat by the well and grumpily stared off into the wooded area around the clearing. There was never anything to do while she was gone, and so he always just moped around and brooded to himself, much like he was currently doing.

A gentle wind swished through the mostly still air and made his silvery locks stream out behind him, flattening the tips of his hair against the woodwork of the well structure. Closing his eyes, he continued to sit in his usual perching position, feet and hands on the ground as well as his hakama-covered rear. He tipped his head back to relax a bit and take note of any interesting new scents that the breeze might possibly carry toward him.

His ears twitched at the sounds of the flora and fauna about him stirring and moving about, whether it was a small creature, a bird twittering, or branches swaying and creaking due to stress from the light winds.

He sighed and set his ears back against his head.

In short, it was very nice and pleasant out.

And he didn't care about that, not one single bit.

His surroundings didn't rub off on him much. He stayed by the well because when she was gone, there was nothing to do except wait around for her to return. No matter how pleasant it was in the clearing, or anywhere else, for that matter, nothing could bring him out of his dark brooding moods except the sight, sound, and scent of her, something to indicate her return.

His eyelids opened again to reveal a bored glisten deep within the liquid amber of his eyes, a look of mopeyness that would certainly send his houshi companion into instant amusement were he to be spying on him right at the moment. A look that spread from his eyes into the rest of his face.

He set his lower jaw forward just a tad and flared his nostrils for a moment.

_Stupid girl always gets so insistent on the importance of those stupid tests, as if they were more important than finding the shards before Naraku gathers them all, _he grumbled to himself._ She's got only a lil bit more time before I need to go retrieve her_...

"Keh!" he finally blurted aloud, though no one was around to hear it, finally readjusting his position so that he was sitting cross-legged and with his chin propped up on one hand and the elbow of said arm planted firmly above his knee.

After another few moments in that not as comfortable position, he sighed wistfully.

-

Passing by the family room, Kagome stopped in mid-step and looked at her brother, who was sitting on the floor in front of the TV set playing video games. Soul Caliber, specifically. For such a young boy, he was highly skilled at that fighting game, Kagome thought to herself. Pursing her lips, she cursed to herself for having to actually suspect her little brother, still in the single digits of age, for possibly being the one playing such a dirty prank on her. 

Each morning since she'd come back, several pieces of her undergarments had disappeared during the night, a mint present on her pillow each time. She'd gone out and bought more, but those started to disappear as well. The only way to keep her panties safe seemed to be by hiding them in her yellow backpack.

_I never thought it would have to come to this,_ she thought to herself scoldingly and scoffingly in frustration.

"Souta?" she asked softly, trying to get his attention.

Without peeling his eyes away from the colorful action that continued to explode on-screen, he answered back half-interestedly, "Yeah, sis?"

Trying to ignore the sound effects of the fighting game he was playing and its background fight music, as they were quite distracting, Kagome paused for a moment and gathered her thoughts.

_Damn, I can't bring myself to outwardly accuse him._ She sighed.

"Stay out of my room, especially when I'm not here, got that?"

His attention still mostly concentrated on the game, he replied almost robotically, "Yup, already do."

Figuring he would say that anyway, she turned without a word and continued down the hall again. She needed to buy more panties, as she was now down to about five pairs, which were all in her backpack.

_It probably wasn't Souta anyway,_ she thought to herself_. I've never seen these kinds of mint candies before. But who was it?_

-

Inuyasha stared upward and growled to himself.

She was late.

She should have been back already.

With that, he sprang to his feet, a scowl on his face, and quickly went for the well, leaping into the air and dropping silently down into the depths within that swallowed him whole and transported him to the future, where she was currently dillydallying.

On the other side, he quickly and furiously exited the well house, his nose already at work searching her out. However, he didn't need his nose to find her. She was about three feet in front of him, coincidentally. They both stopped in place when they saw each other, slightly bewildered looks on both their faces.

Relieved to see that she at least had been just about to come back, but not wanting her to know he was relieved, he put up a front and immediately spat out, "You're late."

Noticing she seemed a bit emotionally off-kilter, he prepared to get verbally chewed out. However, it never came.

An embarrassed expression floated past her face before she laughed nervously and said, "I had to buy more clothes. That's why I'm late. Sorry."

"You wear the same clothes every _day_, so what could you possibly need more for?" he asked suspiciously, his eyebrow cocked and his arms crossed. Something was amiss.

Rather than tell him exactly what had been happening, she just smiled as a cover-up and said with a slightly flustered face, "It doesn't matter. I just like shopping for clothes. Let's go." She quickly began walking toward him again.

_Something's up that she's not telling me,_ Inuyasha thought to himself before brushing it off._ Keh, I can make her tell me later._ He passed off her eagerness to return as guilt for keeping him late.

So, he grabbed her large backpack and hefted it onto his shoulder, and then, taking her hand in his, they both walked back into the well house.


	4. Feline Oozy Goodness and Canine Nosiness

After making another exhausting journey through the massive network of drainage pipes, Choo Choo Bear finally made his way back to the place where he had found that most recent treasure trove of dainty lower undergarments. Bag of mints in accompaniment, he oozingly frolicked across the bathroom floor and made his way to the hallway.

The lights were on this time. In the previous raids he had always arrived around nighttime here. Well, not like it mattered. He would just have to blend in with the surroundings and hope he wouldn't run into any roused beings.

Through the hallway he padded, making his way to the door that, upon opening, would reveal his prized destination. Yes, a dresser drawer full of dainty panties. Stopping, he closed his eyes and murred in appreciation of the lovely thoughts that entered his mind.

The panty-klepto chemokitty made his way into the nice smelling bedroom, despite the door being closed. To pass by the closed door, he allowed himself to melt into a puddle of pink, boneless, extra huggable goo with glassy yellow and black eyes, the bag of mints being absorbed into his body as well, then proceeded to ooze his way between the lower edge of the door and the threshold on the floor. After making it onto the other side, he shlorped back into his proper, albeit elasticized, feline form.

He made his way to the dresser and pulled the lowest drawer open, fully expecting to find a lovely pile of delightful panties in a myriad of pastel shades. What he saw made him shed several feline tears.

The drawer was empty of lower undergarments!

There were some socks and some bras, but socks bored him, and bras were only good when used as hammocks. He pouted, then hissed to himself.

Translation: _damn ye, who hast dare taken my precious pile of panties?_

Behind him, the door began to creak open, and Choo Choo Bear hurriedly scurried underneath the dust ruffles of the bed nearby. From beneath the bed he watched a pair of slippered feet enter the room and walk toward the dresser.

The figure made a "hmmm" sound in a questioning, feminine voice, then got down on skirted knees to close the unexpectedly pulled out drawer, failing to notice the pair of yellow feline eyes following her every movement. Upon standing again, the figure went back to the door and exited the room, shutting the door almost all the way. Almost.

The peeved pussy's tail swished back and forth as he murred with murderous thoughts in his head.

Translation: _mayhaps that fiendish woman is the culprit!_

He gathered his bag of mints, which had somehow gotten smooshed into a hard to reach nook within his gelatinous form, and heatedly scuttled out from under the bed towards the door, his thoughts in full attack mode.

Once in the hallway again, he searched out the best route to finding the woman who had most likely taken his plunder. On the way, while he wasn't looking where he was going, he tripped over a giant blob of multi-tan fur lounging in the middle of his path. He tumbled and splatted onto his face, nearly flattening himself and, for once, not on purpose.

The bag of mints bounced off to the side, and the ball of fur in several shades of tan and brown stirred to reveal a lazy feline face with wide, bored eyes.

Choo Choo Bear managed to pull himself into a recognizable form once again and turned to look at the obstruction in his way. As the two cats looked at each other, the fat, blob-like one yawned and made a "Nyaaaaan" sound.

Translation: _hello there, who are you?_

Choo Choo Bear murfled softly.

Translation: _Choo Choo Bear. Where did all those delectable panties go? I think a woman in this household stole my wondrous plunder!_

The fat feline blinked.

Translation: _ah, I would not know. But my my, I smell mints on you. Care to share? I'm Buyo._

The pink ball of pussy putty stared back in annoyance, an eyebrow cocked. Wait, did he have eyebrows in the first place? Meh, doesn't matter. Same expression. Who cares how he described what expression he was currently making. "Meh meh murr…." he muttered.

Translation: _give me dainty panties, and I'll think about it, Buyo._

Buyo smiled and "nyan"-ed again with almost a rumble.

Translation: _wait right here for a moment._

Buyo traipsed off, his fat, furry belly swinging back and forth as he attempted to merrily trot off somewhere. Choo Choo Bear waited patiently for a couple minutes until he saw his new friend return with a pair of yellow and white polka dot boxer shorts. He huffed and hissed in disgust.

Translation: _those aren't panties! My owner wears undergarments like those!_

Buyo plopped his obese cat ass down onto the carpet and dropped the boxers from his teeth with a bored mew, eyeing the bag of mints hungrily..

Translation: _awwww, c'mon, man! It's all I could find! The missus of the house is still doing her own laundry!_

-

In the Sengoku Jidai Kagome and Inuyasha had already reached Kaede's home long ago. As no one in the party had any real plans for the day, Kagome and Sango took Shippou outside to play, as the young kitsune youkai was becoming quite restless. Miroku had gone off to aid Kaede in some activity or another, leaving Inuyasha alone in the home and utterly bored off his canine-hanyou behind.

He muttered to himself about having nothing to do, then noticed he felt a bit hungry. Perhaps he could attempt to make some ramen for himself, he thought with reassurance. Within moments he began rooting through Kagome's large yellow backpack.

"What the hell are all these things doing in here?" he asked himself as he tossed package after package of white and pastel colored items out of her backpack and over his shoulder, where they all fell into a piling heap. After searching for a great deal, he found with disappointment that his Kagome had dared to return without a fresh supply of ramen; how dare she!

Utterly annoyed with his current situation, the hanyou finally stood up and proceeded to leave. He had emptied the entire backpack and found nothing but the usual items and a great abundance of… things… that were sealed within some type of material that he knew only existed in her time. Actually, he wondered just what was sealed within that material, now that he thought about it. So, instead of making his way toward the flap that covered the doorway, he bent down and picked up an item from the pile and deftly used his claw to slice the clear material open.

Holding the white item up in front of his face, shaking it slightly to get all the folds out, he studied it. Having no clue as to what it could be, he looked at the package and attempted to read the labels on the front. After much time spent on trying to figure out what he was actually holding in his hand, he gave up. The most he had been able to figure out was a size and some word to describe the item; a thong.

Inuyasha took a good whiff of the material, closing his eyes at the pleasantly subtle scent. It smelled clean and fresh, with a hint of flowers. Unfortunately, it did nothing to tell him more about what this thong thing was. Well, time to ask Kagome.

Kagome was in the midst of picking flowers with Shippou and Sango a good deal away from the village when she heard Inuyasha yelling out, "Oi, Kagome!" She turned from her kneeling spot on the grass to see her hanyou companion walking up, a confused look on his face and his right hand firmly clutching something she couldn't quite discern yet.

"Yes, what is it, Inuyasha?" she answered with a smile. It seemed that he was finally feeling a bit social; that is, until he came much closer and the article in his hand became identifiable. Her face froze in embarrassment.

"Kagome, what's a thong?" the hanyou asked in a curious tone as he held the item high up in the air, the skimpy fabric dangling from his fingers. A blush spread across her face and her eyes widened.

"Osuwari!" She closed her eyes in embarrassment as Inuyasha cried out peevishly and landed smackingly upon the grassy ground in a manner she had become more than familiar with.


	5. Glory of the Sengoku Jidai

Finally able to compose herself where she sat in the hut across from Inuyasha, everything already stuffed back into her big yellow backpack, Kagome closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and carefully asked, "Now, just why were you being nosy and digging around in my backpack?" When her eyes opened again, they sent a hard stare the hanyou's way.

"Why's it matter?" Inuyasha narrowed his eyes. "What'd you sit me for, anyway? What in the fuck did I do to deserve… deserve _that_!" he responded in a grumpy mutter, his arms firmly crossed, turning his gaze away from her, a scowl on his face. He made an injured sniff and refused to look at her. His ears flattened against his hair.

"Inuyasha…" Kagome trailed off in a threatening tone, rising intonation all too obviously showing she was not pleased with his attitude. When she received an immature huff and continued lack of response, she put a hand to her now bowed forehead and sighed in exasperation. "Do you even know what it was you were holding up for EVERYONE IN THE SENGOKU JIDAI to see in ALL ITS GLORY!"

The forcefulness of the second half of her sentence, plied in conjunction with her now pissed off and angered expression and her clenched fists, rattled Inuyasha's brooding composure and shakingly caused him to stare at her wide-eyed and frazzled, his jaw gaping for a mere second.

"Uh, a thong?" he answered testingly, an eyebrow quirked.

The color draining from her face in embarrassment, Kagome's voice went up two octaves as she softly clarified her question. "I know it's a… thong," she trailed off for a moment, embarrassed to be saying the name of such a piece of intimate apparel to a male, and to Inuyasha, no less. "What I'm asking is, do you even know what one is?" she re-asked, clenching her teeth as she averted her gaze. A wave of dread washed over her.

The hanyou promptly questioned, "Why would I ask you if I didn't know? Keh." A slight feeling of unease started forming around his shoulders, making him feel tense. Something didn't seem right to him.

Suddenly very thankful that they were alone in the hut, as having spectators would be pure torture, Kagome brought her hands together and attempted to compose herself again. She tried to speak several times, but the words always died on her tongue before she could utter anything.

Inuyasha studied her intensely. _Man, she's acting weird_. The girl before him took another deep breath, turned red with a flush and an embarrassed smile, then glanced to the other side, still avoiding his gaze.

"They're… undergarments… that I wear… under my skirt," she finally replied, her voice high pitched and saturated with nervousness. At her final phrase, she chuckled nervously and turned to look at him, her fingers fidgeting frantically.

His expression, needless to say, would have certainly amused the bejesus out of her on any other day, and again, she was glad that no one else was around to see the shocked and horrified look upon his face. Almost sadistically, she was thankful that she was not the only one sporting a very obvious blush that reeked of embarrassment, and it took all of her self restraint not to giggle at his current state of fish-mouthing. His ears pointed straight upward, and his eyebrows were quite well hidden by the silver frock of bangs covering his forehead.

"Eh, heh, heh… yeah. Now you see why I sat you?" She offered an apologetic and sheepish grin, her nervous laughter trailing off in a drop dead manner, though she secretly wished to revel in seeing him look so uncomfortable.

Inuyasha, his expression frozen upon his face, slowly inched backward about half a foot before hitting the wall. _Oh, my… she is so never going to let me live this down_, he thought to himself, feeling sweat form on the back of his neck. _Oh shit, oh shit, OH SHIT_. He swallowed a lump in his throat, then attempted to shrug off his current blanket of discomfort and unease. "Keh, how was I supposed to know? It's so skimpy it wouldn't cover anything!" he snapped back at her defensively, his scowl newly returned and his nostrils flaring.

Only upon sensing the additional reek of embarrassment and anger that wafted from her slightly shaking form just mere seconds before she used the subduing command yet again did Inuyasha remember that he should learn to think before speaking a lot more frequently.

"Damnit, wench!" he angrily yelled out from his position smashed upon the floor before cutting himself off when he saw her fists clenching and unclenching and her eyes narrowed to slits in a glare aimed for him and only him. _Okaaaaaay, I think I better just shut the hell up and actually answer her questions_, he told himself with wide eyes, greatly fearing the pissed off female before him more than he ever had before.

Kagome stood up and towered over the still subdued hanyou who looked up at her in return, his expression unreadable except for that of shock. "Inuyasha, let me ask you again. What the heck were you doing in my BACKPACK!"


End file.
